André, 72 years old and gay: "I only had three important men in my life"

Article by Emilie Brouze published on the site L'OBS HAVE RUE89 (France) on 22 July 2018, freely translated by Angelica Mancini

They are often exchanged for brothers or sisters. As if it were unthinkable to be elderly and gay, elderly and lesbians, as if homosexuality was a fact of youth and the exuberance typical of that age. For a few weeks (the website) Rue89 dedicates a series of articles to our elderly LGBTs, inaugurated by P., 70 years old, a retired professor of history, whose life has been divided into two.

This Wednesday was André, 72 years old, doctor, who hosted us in turn in his apartment on the Parisian outskirts to share his path.

“I know I am a fagot - I say it just like that - since I was 13 years old. As a teenager, I always was looking for the company of the boys. At that time homosexuality was a great question mark. I heard about it for the first time at 17 or 18, because I had a homosexual Swiss uncle. She was the husband of one of my aunts. It was a great drama: my uncle became a person not grateful ', because of his homosexuality.
It must be said that at the time it was very difficult to come out. I have never done it proper. My father died young, we never talked about it. I never said to my mother openly ... without having to say it, it became evident when I bought a house with my second partner ... even with my brother it happened spontaneously: I told him 'I come to dinner with my partner' . He replied 'okay'.

I had three companions in my life. Four, if we count the Italian. As a young man I had some adventures with the female sex - to try. At 20 or 21 I stayed six months with the girl from my first time - a friend, nothing more.
Around 25, 26 years of age I did many new knowledge.
Before there were medical studies. I was not very intelligent, so I had to study a lot to graduate. During those years I had no time to go out ... there were not all the means that there are today to communicate and meet new people. Everything took place in gardens, parks or discos. I attended all three.
Then, on December 31, 1976 - at 30 years old - I fully fell in love with a boy who was not alone ".

The first love

“We were in a magic disco, which unfortunately no longer exists today: the daring. I went there twice a week. I loved dancing, I was fixed. They went to 90% gay and 10% girls (practically non -lesbian). Shows of disguises, magic shows were held, and at 6 in the morning the owner offered everyone cappuccino and croissant to all. That December 31st I stole the boy from someone.

It was my first love. What can I say? I would have too many things to say ... it was magical, crazy. We have been together a year and a half. We saw all the fine weeks. Since I didn't yet have my apartment, we went to the hotel and took walks continuously.

Unfortunately he moved to the other side of France for his studies, putting an end to the report.
For more than two years I have been very unhappy. One day, impulse, I took the plane to reach it in Tolosa. I didn't even have the precise address, only the way. I found it at midnight and a half. That time I really got over.

I remember working in a hotel and once he told me that on Friday evening he went to a disco in La Grande-Motte. At 6 pm I detached from work in Paris; At 11:30 pm I closed the car door in the parking lot of La Grande-Motte casino. Seven hundred kilometers in five and a half hours. Today is no longer possible! [Laughter].
In the end I met another person who gave me news, unfortunately not beautiful. It was part of those who left with the AIDS. "

Places to tow

"In the 70s in Paris there was a small blue guide: a list of places frequented by homosexuals. The first time I bought it, he took my desire. I said to myself: 'At least once a week I want to discover a new place' [laughter].
There were gardens, clubs, discos. I have more or less kept the rhythm. I didn't need to move a finger to meet someone. I say it in all humility: with my body I could afford it. Now I show them [go to take a big photo that portrays him at 20 years old, ed.].
For me it was a shock. I remember the Trocadero gardens. There were huge bushes that hid immense piled up in the open air. The first time you see such a thing a little upsets you.

The second shock was the Rue Sainte-Anne [1st and 2nd arrondissement in Paris]. Once upon a time, there were clubs, discos ... when I entered the Bronx (a gay disco) for the first time there was a blanket of incredible smoke and I saw men have sex in front of everyone. Apparently, it was normal. This was the second shock, especially considering that we are talking about 40 years ago ... "

The epidemic

"At the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in France, in 1983, I changed lifestyle. I remember that he was very much talked about. I put an end to the possible adventures, I was very drastic, very selective with new friendships. At the slightest doubt, Truncavo immediately ...
In 1984 I met my second partner, in a square near my house. Starting from that moment I felt that the epidemic no longer concerned me. We bought an activity, we went to live together for a few years ... but my second partner died of AIDS, in 1992. Where or when he was infected, I have no idea.

One afternoon in 1989 he had an illness. Lung collapsed. I told him that he could not help but go to the emergency room and be hospitalized. After withdrawing and opening the mail, on Saturday at the restaurant, at the bottom of the second page I read: 'HIV -positive discovery'. We had had an unprotected relationship a few days earlier, because he did not know he was HIV positive, and I don't even ... I had a thousand thoughts for the head.

I had to wait for the following Monday to be able to go to the analysis center. At that time, a blood sampling was made and fifteen days had to be expected for the response. Then he made another 87 days later. In the meantime, there was no way to know if you were infected ... the two tests were negative: I couldn't have infected him.

My partner died in 1992, before the start of Tritherapy. If he had done it, perhaps he would still be alive. Maybe it wouldn't be with me yet, but it would be alive. Yes, however, it would still be with me, because I would not have left it: we stayed together until the end.

When he died, I had to order his things and it was like this, finding letters that he kept hidden, that I discovered that he led a parallel life. There was also a Cartier d'oro watch that the guy had forgotten. I remember having doubts: when he returned, in the afternoon, to rest, he used the mintel and I had called some numbers ... but I knew absolutely nothing. It upsets you. It amazes you.
Later, his family accused me of infected him. I didn't let it run: I sent them a letter with a return receipt with a copy of the letters I had found and my negative tests. I have not heard them since then.
Only a friend saved himself from the epidemic of AIDS. Only one. All the others were sucked into the hole. Everyone, all, all, all ”.

Pride

“I never suffered homophobic attitudes when I said I was gay. A lot is talked about and it could happen to me tomorrow, but so far it has never happened. I don't particularly try to be discreet, but I don't even show off. I think I don't have to show off my sexuality, it is a private thing. In my building maybe someone knows, someone doesn't know. As a friend would say, 'I don't care'. I live my life.

I don't feel much comfortable in this gay world that in my opinion claims too much. I was lucky - or the misfortune - to write on the forums that I did not understand why the expression 'gay pride' was still used. Why be proud to be gay? I am proud of my life, of what I do, but not of my sexuality.
Forty -five years ago, perhaps, but now no longer. At the time, it was not accepted or recognized, but it is now a habit ... young people talk about it as if nothing had happened. On the forums I proposed to change its name: the march of diversity, rather than the march of pride ".

"Open Relationship"

“In 1993 or 1994 I met my third partner in a disco. He was 30 years less than me. We stayed together for twenty years. Five years ago someone else met on the internet. After all the time spent together, it was not easy. He told me he wanted a younger and less fat person ... he was just a pretext.
At that time I weighed 50 more kilos. Two and a half years ago I made myself operated. My life changed radically: before, after 50 meters I had to rest because I was already breathless, my back hurt ... a ramp of stairs, same thing. Today, I can also walk six floors. The trips I make today, before, could never have made them.
I said to the surgeon: 'I earned ten years of life'. He replied: 'If he pays attention, even twenty'. Yes, my life has changed. The only disadvantage is that I cannot eat everything I would like.

When my third partner left me, I enrolled in dating sites (from which Silver Daddy). I only meet young people. It is impossible for me to find people of my age. I don't feel the slightest enthusiasm.
It is on this dating site that two years ago I found a friend. He lives in northern Italy. It will last until it lasts. He is 36 years old, shows 25. Belly as the sun. I have a photo of hers [indicates the frame near a piece of furniture in the living room, and we bring another, editor's note].

I try something for him, of course. I see it more or less once a month. When he comes, he remains four days, and when I go to him, by train, I remain five or six days. I am satisfied ... better than nothing. We are in 'Open Relationship', an open relationship - from time to time, I see myself with other people ".

"I don't think about old age"

"How to imagine the end of one's life? I make the sign of the cross. I hope not to end up in a nursing home, especially not in a gay nursing home. When I am bad or in a coma I hope that someone will make me a nice injection and that they will not leave me in agony for nineteen days, as happened to my mother.

The only thing I ask, is to be as autonomous as possible ... when you find yourself alone - and I am alone - it is fundamental. My older brother theoretically should leave before me. My partner who is in Italy told me that it would take care of me ... but I am like St. Thomas, if I don't see I don't think. For now, they are fit. Also, I don't like to talk about health problems: the problem of people of my age is that they don't think about anything else. He is tiring.

In my head I am not 72 years old, but 50. I am not at all at ease with people of my age, I bore me to death. [Laughter]
I don't think about old age. I don't say I live in the day - I shop regularly and I have an Excel table where I plan my travels - but I no longer do plans for the future. I don't think about what I will do in ten years, but rather what I will do in six months. In February I plan a trip to Siberia. I will do Moscow-pechino in Transiberian. I wouldn't mind doing Trekking at Cape Verde ... I have bizarre ideas [laughter] ".

Dear readers, if you are 60 years old or more and want to share a testimony, write to us (gionatanews@gmail.com).

Original text: André, 72 ANS: "J'ai Eu Trois Hommes Dans Ma Vie"