Why do a child get out, do Christian parents learn a new language?

Text by Bukola Landis-Aine taken from Relational Guide for Parents of Newly Out LGBTQ+ People (Guide for Christian parents with LGBTQ+ children who have just come out)* edited by BT Harmand, published by Q Christian Fellowship ** (United States), pp.3-4. Freely translated by the volunteers of the Gionata project.

No member of my family participated in my wedding with my partner. They didn't even respond to the invitation. So much so that, with those who organized my marriage we had to organize an emergency plan if they had presented themselves at the last moment.

But there was no rethinking. Indeed, during dinner, while I lived one of the most intimate moments of my life, my family was messing up on WhatsApp to comment on my nephew's last basketball game. I felt invisible. I spent the phone to one of my bridesmaids and asked her to stop those messages. And so it was.

From that moment on, I decided to focus on the family I was building. The day of my wedding was wonderful. But once I come home, the pain of abandonment has overwhelmed me. It was devastating. And, still today, I don't know if I really went out.

I cannot underline it enough: non -acceptance by your family is a lacerating pain. And for those who are more vulnerable than me, non -acceptance can become even dangerous. I came out at 29, as an independent adult and with many privileges. Still, the idea of ​​telling my parents made me feel like myself to launch myself from a cliff without any security of landing on something soft. No water, no protection. Only the void. I had panic attacks. I had to face years of therapy. And I clung with all my strength to my faith in Christ to overcome it.

Many young LGBTQ+ are faced with a similar crossroads, but for them it is even more dramatic. When they think they are coming out, they feel to risk their life: on the spiritual, emotional, relational or, unfortunately, also literal level.

Research demonstrates this clearly: an uncepted family dynamic is harmful to a child at any age. The young LGBTQ+ live alarming levels of stress, anxiety and refusal. They feel insecure even in their schools. But what emerges equally clearly is that welcoming families and inclusive schools are fundamental for their well -being.

The ecumenical organization q Christian Fellowship ** has accompanied thousands of parents on this path and includes the difficulty that many face. We ourselves are those parents. And we are also those children.

In our pastoral commitment, absolute priority is the love and health of the LGBTQ+children. Our commitment as a Christian community leads us to follow the example of Christ, offering an unconditional love to all the children of God. But we also want to provide tools to parents, so that they can build a healthy and respectful relationship with their children.

Here are some fundamental data provided by The Trevor Project (an American organization that works to prevent suicide among the young LGBTQ+):

• The young lesbians, gay and bisexuals (LGB) have a probability almost three times greater than seriously thinking about suicide than their heterosexual peers.
• Young gays, lesbians and bisexuals have a probability almost five times greater than having tried suicide than their heterosexual peers.
• The young gays, lesbians and bisexuals that come from highly refuse families have a probability 8.4 times greater than having tried suicide than those who have experienced a low level of family refusal.
• In a national study, 40% of transgender adults said they had attempted suicide. 92% of them did it before the age of 25.

I wish there was one Guide like this When I came out with my family. I hope this text can avoid many young LGBTQ+ to experience emotional, physical and spiritual abandonment. I hope it helps parents not to fall into the traps of toxic interactions that end up hurting everyone, not just their children.

Because it is not only the LGBTQ+ children who suffer. Many parents also confided to us the pain and inner conflict that try to try to reconcile their love for the child with the beliefs of their family or community of faith.

When a child comes out, parents suddenly find themselves faced with the need to learn a new language, a new way of loving and expressing their affection without condition. This guide is for them.

*To read, the different parts translated by the volunteers of the Gionat project, of the "Relational Guide for Parents of Newly Out LGBTQ+ People" Guide (Guide for Christian parents with LGBTQ+ children who have just come out) click here

**Q Christian Fellowship It is an ecumenical organization created to accompany LGBTQ+ people and their families on the path of faith, helping them to reconcile spirituality and identity. Activate since 2001, it mainly operates in the United States, but its reception and reconciliation message extends internationally. He brings together Christians of different denominations - evangelical, Catholics, Protestants and other traditions - creating spaces of dialogue and support.
Its goal is to build a more inclusive Christianity, in which LGBTQ+ people are not forced to choose between their faith and their identity, but can live both fullness. To learn more: www.qchristian.org

Original text: Relational Guide for Parents of Newly Out LGBTQ+ People: Foreword