Mio marito è gay! Cosa posso fare?
Article taken from the devenir site an en Christ (France), freely translated by Giacomo Tessaro
In the face of the shock and the suffering of the woman who discovers the homosexuality of her husband, one can only try, first of all, a profound respect.
At first he must find his dignity injured by an "unspoken" who affects the relationship of natural trust between the spouses. The couple is thus questioned by this discovery.
His wife became suddenly unrelated to her husband's inner universe, she can experience humiliation, misunderstanding or a sense of revolt. It can also try the need to back away in front of that person who turns out to be different. This attitude, far from being a refusal, must in no case generate a sense of guilt.
As far as possible, a dialogue between spouses in truth is important and can be liberating. It is necessary to take into account the affective difficulty of her husband, who, too, can at certain times find himself submerged by feelings of anguish and despair that he cannot dominate and who expresses with difficulty. We must know that sexual orientation is never a deliberate choice. In any case, it is essential not to locate the other in his only sexuality, which is only an aspect of his personality, since in him there are numerous other riches.
Help can be the intermediation of a marital consultant. The gaze that the woman will bring about her husband will decisively affect their future relationships:
- gaze of compassion, love, understanding, trust;
- O's gaze of hatred, distrust, judgment, fear.
The attitude of her husband is also decisive:
- Accept with humility to recognize his vulnerability or does he demonstrate altercotry and contempt?
- accept himself as he is and has the desire to "respect" his wife, to embark on a journey of truth to try to see clearly in himself? Is it determined to do everything you need?
- Do you want to continue living by tending as much as possible to loyalty (of thought and body)?
For his wife, the most difficult thing is certainly to continue to be confident. However, it is her trust that can allow her husband her dignity, her self -confidence and to find the strength for the inner struggle she will have to undertake in the face of temptation.
In some cases, if you have to take into account a separation, it does not always depend on the wife who therefore does not have to blame something that does not depend on her and of which she is not responsible.
Sexuality, this reality that connects us with others and in particular with our spouse, is always, whatever sexual orientation, a place of struggles and permanent choices to live in loyalty the commitment made by the couple.
It is good to remember that if you choose common life, you take responsibility for mutual help to the maturation and search for each one.
For the Christian couple it is good to consider the sense of the commitment taken together: "You can count on my effort of loyalty". Any situation lived in trust and love-they is the path of growth and life for everyone.
Original text: Je viens de découvrir que mon conjoint est homosexuel: pouvez-vous m'ider?
