Live fully. The joy of being a Christian queer

Testimony of Mihee Kim-Kort published on the Sojourners website (United States) on June 23, 2023, freely translated by Marcella

[...] "Live fully and authentically"It is a phrase that affects people like me who have accepted their transsexuality late. I felt not to live my life fully, but to touch it as soon as I wished ardently immerse myself in myself until they are soup, wet soaked.

I was afraid. What does it mean to have lived fully and authentically for the place that had been assigned to me in this world? Second generation American Korean, with a long fight behind it to be accepted, I wondered if my queerness would have precluded this possibility.

I remember Darnell Moore, author of No Ashes in the firand and guest of the new podcast Being Seen (reflections on the role of culture in solving the tension between how others see us and how we see ourselves), said these words on The Daily Show by Trevor Noah: "Queeness is magic".

Yes, I remember that when I finally let that magic enter my life, I confided to a friend: "I think I am queer". He replied: "Of course you are!". Those words widened the universe and I saw me for the first time in the light of a sun that I had never seen. Instead of having the impression of walking on egg shells, I felt that I could safely rest my feet everywhere and that I was no longer dependent on the expectations of the world.

I felt even less limited by gender and sexuality standards: in some days I let myself live my masculinity, in others I hugged my femininity. I began to be freer and even more engaged in everyday life, because I could choose, in the fullness of joy, my bridegroom, my children, my community.

Being queer created a way of living fully and authentically for me. The assertion "being out", which has never had an impact on me, seems to contribute to the idea of ​​"or one or the other identity", denying the reality that each person has multiple truths in it.

But for me, living fully and authentically is not so much to be completely out of being deeply human, in other words it means being people created and loved by God; Hugging my Queeness was a way to embrace the gift of humanity.

I felt at home, in my skin and body, and I experienced joy in new ways. Certainly I had previously had moments of joy and contentment, delight and pleasure, but thanks to Queeness I discovered a type of joy that seems to fall from the sky and that grasps me by surprise in the usual things and in the sources of wonder of every day: take care of a garden and see it bloom, participate in a parade, sing the beauty of the works of God, observe the arrival of the boats.

Sometimes joy is like a shield that we tighten to our person to take one step at a time or to simply try to maintain our position; Other times, when we look at the loved ones, it is so kneaded to suffering that it no longer understands where the heart is over.

The local network of our churches open to the LGBTQ+ communities hosted networking meetings for narration and sharing to stories and experiences lived. Inspired by the biographical story of Julie Rodgers in Outlove: A Queer Christian Survival Story, we called our first "outlove" event.

From Julie and others in our community we have listened to stories of evil and good, trauma and filming by people of faith, and we have reserved space for those who, among the quers, places their trust in religious practice, in music and in the presence of local communities for their healing. We called our most recent "outjoy" meeting and this time we took the opportunity to encourage queer people between us and their experiences of joy.

"Outjoy"(Neologism with probable meaning of" out of joy "): I love this neologism and sometimes I repeat to myself in an intense emotion of the soul, like a prayer, a amen.

Outjoy. Once again for me to be queer does not mean being fully out of being as out and being conducted in fullness in the world, living and loving in the world, working to testify with others in the world courage and beauty.

Some time ago I got tattooed on the back the words of Isaiah 55, 12: "So you will leave with joy, you will be brought back to peace. The mountains and the hills will come up with the cries of Gioito". This verse speaks to me of my love for the mountains, of wild nature and, now, also reaffirms the promise of my creature, of my holy nature and, therefore, of my humanity and the joy of this humanity.

The tattoo is at the center of my back and I like to imagine that the hand of the Holy Spirit is placed there to push me forward, remembering the goodness of this strange life and this amazing world.

Original text: Led out in joy, with Rainbow Cookies and fresh