I am homosexual. My partner's parents don't accept me. What to do?
Letter and response taken from the Psychologies.com website (France) published in July 2009, freely translated by Ilaria Polloni
I am a homosexual young man who lives one of the most beautiful love stories. The problem is that my in -laws refuse to meet me: they say they accept the sexual orientation of the son (as well as my partner), but they are not ready to accept me as son -in -law.
I am not the only one to live such a situation, in fact, many of my homosexual friends have a similar story. I would like to understand why some in -laws adopt an attitude of refusal to their children's boyfriends.
Vincent, 19 years old
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Isabelle Taubes reply (psychotherapist)
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How curious. The case described by her is a very current phenomenon. Heterosexual couples try to destroy the rules and review love relationships; Very often, they happen to have children out of the wedding and, at the same time, homosexual couples become avid defendants of the more traditional family values.
Dear Vincent, she is experiencing a wonderful love story, she is only 19 years old…. What need does he have to formalize his union by making himself recognized as "son -in -law" by the "in -laws"? Doesn't it seem to be too rigorous to you to kill passion? It is easy to imagine that, after centuries of forced silence, homosexual couples want to live their love in the light of the sun, but, I still wonder, why fall into a sort of caricature of an old couple of newlyweds? Is his dream, therefore, to have lunch the weekend with his acquired family?! Don't a young 19 -year -old man does not have better to do?
She hopes to understand why her partner's parents accept son's sexual choices, but they persist in avoiding her. The only way to get an answer is his partner, only he can openly discuss with his parents.
We can do nothing but advance hypotheses: perhaps, in spite of appearances, they still live badly the sexual orientation of the son - who deprives them of the hope of becoming grandparents. Even if you two decides to resort to the adoption or services of a mother's rent, for the parents of his partner- but also for his own- it would inevitably be different from a classic conception. From their point of view, it is a scotto to pay.
In addition, sexuality and sexual pleasure are still taboos! When people meet a straight couple, they can forget - read- the sexual dimension that binds the two partners. He may think that the two are united by a common desire to complete themselves, to have children ... None of this has to do with a homosexual couple, where, however, the absence of the possibility of a biological conception suggests the total dimension of physical sex.
This is what the company sees. Until recently, there was still a lot of homophobia between individuals -for the hatred of the difference and for fear of one's sexual drives. The situation has improved, but it is useless to ask people to consider homosexual couples and heterosexual couples in equal way.
If we want to be honest, since there is no sexual choice better than another, being an homo is not straight, rightly. Instead of wanting to imitate the Mulino Bianco family, put this difference to the test and cultivate, only in this way will it find its way.
Finally, it is easy to deduce that his love story has not begun for much, given his young age. Who knows, perhaps in the future the parents of his partner will end up recognizing it, but more as a human being, with a name and identity. It will be that the day they will agree to meet her.
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Original text: «Homosexuel, je suis rejeté par les parents de mon loves. que faire? "
