What does it mean to be parents of a lesbian daughter?

Testimony of Hector Mendéz published on the Mírales website, magazine of lesbian and bisexual women of Spain and South America, on March 19, 2015, freely translated by Anna Iaerosa

How is it having a lesbian daughter or a gay son? How do parents face it? Today, on the occasion of Father's Day, we publish a touching letter written by the father of a lesbian woman:

“My daughter asked me for an opinion on the meaning of being a parent of a lesbian daughter. I listened to my heart and then my mind; The answer came immediately: nobody ... I try to bring me remind me of something else but the answer is always the same, none. No different meaning from what he could have had for my heterosexual daughters.

But it has not always been the case. Ten years ago (I remember it because it was the day of my wedding with my second wife), in a moment of intimate conversation, my daughter spoke to me nervously, and helped a little by my intuition, of her homosexuality. Perhaps it was a good time to communicate it, taking advantage of the enthusiasm of my condition as a bridegroom and the solemnity of the occasion. At that moment, the result of the conversation was a big hug and words of support and unconditional support.

Later I began to elaborate and see more closely "my fears" and my poor real knowledge of the homosexual world, an approach that arises from ignorance and prejudices stored in my hard disk since childhood and that shape my way to think and my future behaviors.

My fears and apprehensions came to the surface: what will the family say? Friends? Colleagues? Will I have a defect, is it genetic? Could I be a repressed homosexual, "in the closet"? I have always been very masculine ... will I become grandfather or do I have only pets, small poodes?

There were also many fears about my daughter. What will his life be like now? Will he live forever a life of lust and unbridled, alcohol and drugs? Will it be accepted by the company? Will he be a good professional?

Only after understanding that ignorance, selfishness and fears were conditioning my vision, I managed to move on to another phase, a different phase of vision, of acceptance of the fact that I am a father and not master of the life of my daughters , that they have the ability to feel and choose the life that seems better to them, where there is also space to make mistakes and correct their path to try to be happy. That the best way to help our children has a strong basis, which is the love and the ability to express it constantly. Thanks to this experience I learned that words do not mean anything if they are not accompanied by facts, by daily actions.

When my daughter got out, I gave her words. But not actions. Once my fears are overcome, my behaviors were real, honest. I met his companions and I support it in everything. I am proud of her.

Historically, the main clashes with my daughter are not depended on the fact that it is homosexual but by an incompatibility of character. And from the fact that for Father's Day it always gives me socks ...

I love you, my daughter, for me you are exceptional. Dad"

Original text: Emotional paper: "Así es Ser Father of a Lesbiana Mujer"