When the weight of the cross becomes unbearable
Testimony by Daniele del Zacchaeus group, Christians LGBT of Puglia, on the V station: Simone the Cyreneo helps Jesus to bring the cross, read in Via Crucis Online organized by LGBT Christian Adults Project March 26, 2020
As they left, they met a man from Cyrene, called Simone, and forced him to take the cross on him (Matthew 27,32)
In the arduous path of life comes the moment when the weight of the cross becomes truly unbearable, holding it completely alone is unthinkable! Feel the heavy weight on the shoulders who condemn you to walk perpetually with the curved back and the only horizon that your eyes manage to contemplate is the soil powder.
This is what I experienced firsthand, crushed by the weight of the judgment I took inside because of my homosexual orientation. I felt "a factory error, a consequence of the distraction of God in creation, the result of my family's mistakes". I desperately searched for someone who could help me raise my existence but in vain ...
Some books sought on the internet, the prophets of misfortune and the experts of the psyche encountered, they offered me recipes for a possible recovery, making me sink more in the abyss. But then a man, who knew how to put himself next to me and in an attitude of listening to the heart, my parish priest, helped me to raise my gaze, to keep my back straight.
I remember that day when after many doubts and fears about a possible negative judgment, I went to his office and in tears I said about my difficulty in welcoming this sphere of my life which is homosexuality. The first thing he told me was "You are a child loved by God, unique and unrepeatable. Just fight against yourself. If God welcomes you as you are you must do it too. It is time for you to fully know yourself in the reality in which you live".
I did not find closure but a tenderness that supported me on the way, opened my eyes on a future that I could not see, made me discover how I could have put my qualities and what they are at the service of others. Thanks to him and good psychotherapist, I began to know myself in truth and look at homosexuality as a gift and not as a condemnation.
Adesso spero di potermi fare a mia volta Cireneo della gioia per altri fratelli e sorelle che stanno attraversando la mia stessa “Via Crucis” e sono in attesa di quella voce, di quello sguardo, di quella mano amica che li sostenga e li incoraggi nel cammino.
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